I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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