I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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