Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
