Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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