He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
