Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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