someone get that fucking seahorse.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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