Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
