Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I deserve this hangover.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
