I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
