I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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