Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
