He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
