After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We need to get me chipped asap
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
