i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize