just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
