I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
