Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
