Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
