I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to calm my uterus...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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