But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
