I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
