It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
