Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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