Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
