Will you blow on my dice?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
