Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
