New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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