If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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