Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
