Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
