is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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