god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
