I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
3pm strippers are depressing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
