The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Operation Purity has been aborted
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
