At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
