i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dignity is for republicans.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
