The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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