woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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