Capitaan dildo arrescate!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
