I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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