I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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