that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
