I could make wine with my vomit
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize