My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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