I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize