I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
