Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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