i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
