Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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