i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
