Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
