His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
