he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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