You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
