I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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