You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
