just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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