Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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