Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
