hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
