They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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