areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
