If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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