Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
