My hand turned me down
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
